Lohocla Tceffa: An Anthropological Observation

Once upon a time, in Ancient Greece and Rome, philosophers posited four elements that were the basic foundation of all things: Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.  Some time later, Hippocrates associated various physiological temperaments with those same elements:  Melancholic, Sanguine, Phlegmatic, and Choleric.  In a recent conversation with a friend, we deduced that these elements and temperaments are perfect representations of alcohol affect: the human nature that surfaces when imbibing the hoppy-ness of beers and/or spirits of wine and liquor.

First, let us examine Earth, or the Melancholic.  This person, after reaching the magical limit of alcohol consumption that flips the switch, can become a variation of two things: the Weeper or the Philosopher/Poet.  The Weeper is one who becomes outwardly demonstrative about all of the things s/he typically will not express in public or to others.  This person may suddenly lament all of the hardships in life or may begin offering some form of the oft-heard, “I love you, bro” in the wee hours of the morning.  The Philosopher/Poet is one who believes s/he has a profound grasp of all things emotional as well as an expansive vocabulary to express her/his observations.  This person may randomly comment on the symbolism of the brownish hues of beers representative of the natural state of man.

Secondly, we have Water, or the Phlegmatic.  This person, once hitting the magical ratio of alcohol to

blood, can become either the Peacemaker or the Therapist.  The Peacemaker wants everyone to get along and will either interject her/himself into an argument to smooth things over or may bring up past disputes to make sure that the old wounds are healed.  The Therapist, on the other hand, can often be found listening attentively to someone, perhaps the Weeper or Poet, and giving a rambling montage of cliches or other expressions of encouragement and/or support.

Next we have Air, or Sanguine.  This person morphs into some manifestation of either the Player or the Rock Star/Clown.  The Player, sometimes secretly, sometimes obviously, thinks s/he’s all that and that everyone in the joint should realize that.  This person often starts flirting, or at least some incarnation of her/his interpretation of the word, with everyone and often doesn’t understand why the efforts go unrecognized, sometimes to the point of anger and frustration.  The Rock Star, most commonly seen when karaoke is involved, is the one who demonstrates some sort of talent s/he believes is

unparalleled by everyone in the place.  This person may decide to bust a move on the dance floor, which in fact turns out to be spinning in circles like an uncoordinated seal, or sing the live version of “Every Rose Has Its Thorns” by Poison or “Walk the Line” by Johnny Cash.  The Clown, though, is the one who is all about entertaining the group: sassy comments and funny anecdotes are often heard in her/his company.

Lastly, we have Fire, or Choleric.  This person, having consumed the last of the Jagermeister or Natural Light, transfigures into some semblance of the Antagonist and/or Beer Muscles.  The Antagonist likes to stir the pot, often revealing secrets that were previously unknown or mocking some sort of faux pas made by someone in present company.  This person doesn’t necessarily want to be part of the conflict; s/he

usually enjoys sitting back and watching the drama unfold.  Beer Muscles, on the other hand, is all about being part of the conflict.  S/he often uses sarcasm to provoke or, if that doesn’t work, will insert her/himself into an argument as random as why the two bands who played that night were(not) awesome.

After having this conversation, I took some time to reflect.  I ain’t gonna lie: I am guilty of just about every one of these at some point.  While I think most of us have a tendency toward one more than the others, I think a lot of it depends on the mood we have before that second, or seventh, or seventeenth, whatever your magic number, drink.  Some of them are more entertaining; some are downright annoying; some are paradoxically both.  What I think is interesting, at least from this girl’s over-analytical brain, is when we stop to think about why we became that element. If it was for not so healthy reasons, well, then perhaps it’s time for a heart-to-heart with the self.  If it was for a healthy reason, like, for example, good times with good people, then all the merrier (assuming everyone is safe, of course)!  

In the meantime, may your element be one in which you shine and your adventures be safe!